Life.Hope.Love.

Sometimes  I wonder , what I do does it really matter ? I mean , studies and everything. It's all just meaningless , don't you think ? I care so much about what I will get in my exams that I don't rely on God anymore. When I don't get the marks that I want , I become angry with God for not answering me. But why do I care that much anyway ? It's so meaningless. It does not satisfy me enough. That satisfaction is only for a moment or two. Later , it will be gone as the wind. Leaving that person yearning for more , for something that can satisfy that thirsty and hungry soul. Something worthwhile. People always say that God is just a prayer away , I believe that. I really do. It's just that .... I don't know. It's like I want to reach Him but I don't have that faith ,that strength. And it sucks you know. To want to talk to Him like a child talking to her Father , but can't. All I really want is to just get away from this place and back to Him. From this emptiness that is in me. All I feel is hollowness , something hindering me from seeing Him. Gah !

And it all comes down to one question. God , if you knew that every time I sin , You feel hurt. Then , why do You still love me? When I sin , it cuts through Your heart but yet You stood right there beside me and guided me through although I've pushed You away. I can't understand !!